this year

At the end of each year, I like to take a few minutes and think about the past 365 days. What was good? Bad? What have I learned? 2009 turned out to be quite a year for me. At least, in proving things to myself. For someone who is prone to self-doubt, I have made some lofty accomplishments.

1. I am smart. This isn't to sound cocky or arrogant, because up until this year I seriously doubted my academic abilities. I AM smart. I CAN do well in school. And even though I still have no clue what I'm doing in school, it's comforting to know that I can handle it. I've finally proven it to myself.
2. I am capable of change. I did it once, and I can do it again. This year I'll work on the not-giving-up-on-myself.
3. I need people. I lived alone for awhile, and sometimes I even enjoyed it. But at the end of each day, I wanted to come home and tell someone about it. Anyone. I love my friends and need them more than I like to admit to myself.
4. I can surprise myself. I whine and I doubt, but when I decide something is worth it, I'll go for it. Even when I have everything to lose. It surprised me, but I am glad for what I've done. And I am fascinated thinking of all the things I am capable of.
5. I can overcome. I've seen and experienced a lot of unpleasant and painful events and situations over the years, and it never gets any easier. But no matter the circumstances, I can get past them. We all can.

Now, here we go. New Years resolutions. Where we take what we've learned the past year, and use it as a jump-off point to set goals for the next. It's a great idea in theory, but I always go back and forth over whether or not to even set them, because it seems as though the shelf life on New Year's resolutions is approximately 3 weeks. But I am going to set one.

I have been offering the world a "less-than" version of myself. A Beth who is generally a good person, an okay friend- and then I complain about how things don't go my way... NOT the most I can give of myself. In 2010, I vow to become the best possible version of myself. In every way that can be accomplished. You are all my witnesses. It shall be done.

This year, is gonna be incredible

This year, is gonna be the one

All the planets are lining up for me

This year, I'm gonna have fun

This year, I'll paint my masterpiece

This year, I'll be recognized

I can feel like I'll fall in love for real

This year, this year

January, I'll learn to fly

February, love's gonna find me

March, April, May, I'll get carried away

Oh, oh...

I'm gonna have fun

Just watch me now

This year

"This Year" Chantal Kreviazuk