rainy day lament

Sometimes, I love the rain. Other times, on rainy days, I start feeling melancholy about my life. Relationships. School. You know, all that stuff that crowds and confuses our existence. It all seems to carry much more weight when the sun isn't shining, pressing down on my chest till it hurts to breathe.

Today, I was in such a mood. For the longest time, I just dwelled on it. Everything that was upsetting me, everything that I should be doing, and am not. My inability to move on. Uncertainty about the future. But I realized that dwelling on it all just makes everything suck that much more. So I decided that rain or no rain, I need to stop letting things affect me negatively. Especially things that are well within my control.

The outcome of all this pondering: The Happy List. I wrote down all of the things, big and small, that I need/want/should do. I know that being able to check some of those things off of a list will definitively improve my mood. It's a way of actively managing your life... and having control over the little things makes it easier to deal with the big things that we don't get to have control over. Someday, maybe I'll share my list. For now, it's all mine... don't worry, you'll be able to tell if the list is working.