firefly

This summer, I caught a firefly for the first time in my life. When I was little, I was scared of bugs... I always liked to look at them, not so much touch them. But this summer, on a warm evening in July, sitting in the grass surrounded by friends, a firefly landed in my hand. I'm not so sure if my excitement was about the firefly itself, or about the love I was surrounded with. Either way, the two became inextricably intertwined.

Since that night, I've wanted to badly to catch another firefly. But lately, there haven't been very many. "You can only catch fireflies if there's a lot of them." A friend told me that once.

For some reason, when there were thousands of fireflies swarming around, fear prevented me from reaching out to catch one. But now, when I am most in need of one, the few that are left circle the night sky aimlessly. It's almost impossible to catch one, when you don't know where to look.

I wonder if that's how answers work, too. For some reason, when there were thousands of answers to my questions swarming around, fear prevented me from reaching out to get one. But now, when I am most in need of answers, the few that are left circle around aimlessly, just out of my reach.

It's almost impossible to find an answer, when you don't know where to look. And it's almost impossible to know what questions you should be asking in the first place.

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own.
'Cause I feel so defeated,
And I'm feeling alone.
And it all seems so helpless,
And I have no plans.
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land.

And all I see
It could never make me happy.
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing...

Let me know that you hear me.
Let me know your touch.
Let me know that you love me.
And let that be enough.

Switchfoot & Jars of Clay