quitting vs. failing

Ever dug a hole in the sand? At first it's slow going, but then you start to make some real progress, and what happens? The sand starts to cave in again. Or, for instance, let's say you're trapped in the hole. You try to climb your way out, but there's no ladder. No steps. It starts to get really difficult, trying to claw your way up out of the pit you've dug yourself into. The idea of just sinking back down and resigning yourself to life in that hole becomes more and more appealing. That is what addiction is like. You can imagine yourself outside the hole, how much better life would be, how you'd stop hurting everyone around you, how great it would be. But when it comes to actually getting yourself out of the hole? It's hard work. You're in a trap, and you can see the way out, but it's the act of getting there that is the issue... it's all way easier said than done.

Have you ever been trapped like this? I have. I am. It all starts with the desire for control in your life, however small that control might be. But it consumes you, and in the blink of an eye, everything is completely OUT of control. Be it sins, weaknesses, or substances, addiction is like some sort of self-inflicted torture. Addiction is ugly. And 9 times out of 10, you're not just fighting for your own peace of mind. You're fighting for your life. You try, and you try, but with each step forward, you take two steps back. And every time you give up the fight, even if for a moment, you sink a little bit deeper into the hole. You know how you got here. Now, how do you get out?

I guess I'll let you know when I figure that part out. Because I'm not letting this beat me. There is a difference between quitting and failing. And EVEN if I fail, it won't be because I didn't try. It won't be because I gave up. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, it is in the struggle where you find strength.

God,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.