day one

My friend Meg recently started the "30 days of blogging" challenge (you can read her blog here). I think this is a kind of cool way to regularly update the blog, while expanding on some aspects of my life that I maybe haven't written about before. Also, awesome for the days when I don't know what to write about! So, I think I'm going to attempt this venture as well- although chances are good that I might throw some random, non-challenge-related blogs out there in the middle of it.

Ready? Here goes.

Your current relationship- if single, discuss...

Yep. I'm single. Funny how many different emotions and reactions that one word can evoke. To some people, single means alone. To others, single means freedom. Some fear. Others desire. Some envy. Others longing. On any given day, I go through all of these thoughts about my current state in life.

If I stand back and look at my life, I can understand why I am single, and why it is currently a good thing. I am still on the path to figuring out what I want for myself- career-wise, and life-wise (whatever the hell "finding yourself" means). I am in a constant state of change and flux... a real challenge for someone as fixed and stubborn as me. I can only imagine that any relationship I had right now would be temporary and volatile. But as cheesy as it sounds, I know that I need to be content with myself before I can expect to find anyone else content with me.

Big picture though, the goal is to find someone. I want to fall in love with some amazing guy, and get married. I am the kind of person that needs to love, and give love. I want someone to lean on, and to lean on me. I know that along the way, I've written blogs about this before. But especially now, as a 21-year-old senior in college, I am surrounded by couples, and people getting engaged, and meeting their future spouses. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, and sometimes I feel really angry about not having that yet... Not yet.

For now, I am single. At the drop of a hat, I can feel happy/sad/jealous/angry/content/worried/confident/free. I don't know if I can say that's good or bad, or perhaps that's just life. But there it is.