detachment

I don't know if I would go so far as to say I have social phobia... but I basically do. Until I figure out what I'm doing with myself and my life, I don't expect I'll ever feel comfortable around groups of people. Even my oldest, closest friends, all of a sudden, feel threatening to me. I don't know if I'm embarrassed, or feel inadequate, or both. It's really upsetting, but I am anxious around everybody! I cancel plans, I back out on commitments... and I hate meeting new people. I am ridiculously self-conscious, and I just feel like everyone is judging me. I wasn't always like this, and I don't know when exactly it started (although, looking back, I realized that I've blogged about this before). I would just so much rather be alone, reading a book or something, than out with people.

I still don't know whether I should worry, or if this is all just temporary until I get my sh** together. Because, I kind of have yet to do that. I'll just file this one under the 5,000 other New Year's resolutions I have for 2011... right. Here's hoping some of them will finally stick.