Thursday, June 17, 2010

"stuff"

Sometimes I have more going on emotionally than socially. I can't pin the source of the emotions to any one specific event or occurrence, but the tangled bundle of "stuff" is sitting right there, under my skin. If you're like me, it's easier to push people away than to let them in and try to explain this "stuff". Sometimes I feel like it is impossible to describe. And as someone who rather enjoys writing, there is nothing more frustrating than being at a loss for words.

If you're concerned, please know that it's not as though I push people away forever. When all of this "stuff" is going on, I need to struggle with it on my own for awhile before things can go back to the way they were.

And so I push people away sometimes. I'm sorry about that.

words of wisdom

Live each season as it passes;
breathe the air, drink the drink,
taste the fruit,
and resign yourself to the influences of each.
Henry David Thoreau

Monday, June 7, 2010

it's a beautiful morning

Good day, sunlight
I'd like to say how truly bright you are.
You don't know me, but I know you
See, you're my favorite star.

Today, I woke up to bright (and HOT) sunlight falling all over my bed. At first, I was a little miffed. It was, after all, 7 am. But alas, I was up for the day. Once the buzz of my family members fizzled out, as the last car pulled out of the driveway, I decided to make the most of this morning quiet time. I went downstairs and toasted some bread. Poured myself an ice cold glass of homemade iced tea, squeezed a juicy, bright yellow lemon wedge. Spread some butter and raspberry jam over my toast. I then picked up my breakfast and headed out to the backyard. I settled myself at the table by the crystal blue pool and, feeling the loving warmth of the sun against my skin, ate my breakfast, sipped my tea, and read a book. The birds all around were singing, the water in the pool made that refreshing tinkling noise, and there was a gentle breeze blowing through the leaves of the tall, lusciously green trees that scatter around the yard. The temperature was perfect- the sun made it warm, and the breeze made it cool; a perfect balance. That's what life is, I think. A balance.

After awhile, I set my book down and closed my eyes. Not to fall asleep, but to drink it all in. The smell of the warm earth, mingled with the scent of flowers drifting over from somewhere along the side of the house. The sound of the leaves rustling. The feeling of pure contentment, of pure joy. I find that I am the most joyful when I am content. Not loud and exuberant and surrounded, although I do find happiness in those moments with friends. But for me, true joy comes from the solitude and contented wonder of the natural world. The sunrise, the vast ocean, and somedays, even my backyard.

I love the summer. I love the morning. I feel grateful to be alive on this gorgeous day in June.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

let it go

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. I have been doing major overhaul on my life. Mostly in the form of gutting my room, from top to bottom. I've been getting rid of so much clutter over the past 6 days- my room is starting to look more and more like a minimalist's. Interesting though, because if you know me at all, you know I have some pack-rat-ish tendencies. It's not easy to let things go for me. They aren't just things, they have memories attached to them. But the more I get rid of, the lighter, freer, and better I feel.

Something about clearing out old baggage and clutter has always felt completely symbolic to me. When your space is clear, EVERYTHING in life seems clearer. Whereas, when you're living in a room full of scattered clothes and old textbooks and dirty dishes, your mind can feel fuzzy. So I'm embracing the clarity that comes with this much simpler existence.

So here's to letting go! To habits, negativity, or just some old stuff shoved in the back corner of your closet- no matter how great or small, letting go makes life a little sweeter.

You say let it go
You say life is waiting for the one's who lose control
You say You will be everything I need
You said if I lose my life it's then I'll find my soul
You say let it go.
Tenth Avenue North