Monday, April 4, 2011

drowning

At the risk of sounding psychotic, I sort of feel like I'm voluntarily sitting at the bottom of a swimming pool and watching it fill with water. I'm drowning, and yet I am making no moves to swim for air. I am not tied to the floor. There aren't any weights strapped to my ankles. I am sitting at the bottom, staring up at the surface, slowly suffocating. The water just keeps getting deeper.


Of course, this entire scenario is metaphorical. But it is an extraordinarily exact description of how I feel with regards to school and life. I have so much to do in so little time (my own procrastination's fault), that every single deadline and responsibility is like another ten gallons of water pressing on my lungs. And still, I stay. Making no moves to save myself. Eventually, I have to make a decision- sink or swim. Pass or fail. The irony in this situation is that I'm a good swimmer. I'm a good student. Former lifeguard. Dean's List 7 semesters in a row.

So why am I still at the bottom? And why am I not moving?

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